Don't get me wrong, Christmas is one of my favourite times of year. It's the only time it's acceptable to have a family sized tin of Quality Street and an equally huge glass of wine for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Unfortunately, I have developed quite a prominent difficulty with anxiety that instead makes Christmas a pretty gruelling time for me now and then. For example, I have moved schools twice, and each time I have gathered a circle of friends. Consequently, I have around three friendship groups that all demand my attention to meet up and exchange gifts.
This does not mean that I am not grateful to have them. They are the only people I can go off on a feminist rant to one moment, then have a series of fart jokes the next. However, my anxiety does not exclude close friends. It encompasses everyone I see regularly, such as family, work colleagues, customers etc. Because of this constant social interaction that Christmas brings, I often feel incredibly worn down and depressed, as I've simply gotten so irrationally nervous about actually stepping out of my house and seeing these people. It tears me down, and I find myself forcing energy that I don't have.
From then, I guess it acts as a vicious cycle. I feel like I isolate myself, then I feel depressed because I'm not seeing anyone, then I worry that my friends think I'm trying to shut them out.
Attempting to explain this to the people in question has created mixed reactions. Some actually agree with me, and for the most part feel the same way. Others acknowledge it, but are unsure how to start a dialogue about it, and a few people tell me not to be so cynical. It is Christmas after all.
From this, I've devised a couple of coping strategies that I personally like to use when I finally get some time to myself...
1) Long baths- bath time for me definitely has a ritualistic quality. I make myself what could be the biggest mug of tea possible, and grab either my book or my phone (because re-watching episodes of The Office is just as important as expanding your vocabulary.)
2) Recognising limits- this does include making up ridiculous excuses so you can make time for yourself. You know when you need time to recharge, so don't force yourself to go out when you know you won't enjoy it.
I know this isn't what I usually post about (feminism was only mentioned once, an outrage, I agree), but it's been on my mind quite a bit. In any circumstance, your mental well being comes first, so be sure to look after yourself.
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